Turning Twenty

July 3rd, my birthday, fell on a Thursday this year. Turning the big two-oh! Only a couple of weeks before I had been really looking forward to it. But then only 6 days before the day, my boyfriend Andy (who had been since I was 14) broke it off. We had gone from a serious relationship - looking at flats, holidays and cats to being well and truly over within one week after he ventured off for his first boys holiday. 

I suddenly felt like everything I knew, everything I was sure of was gone and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get it back. But after a while I began to realise that maybe not having it back was actually better than continuing to hang on. The hardest thing in your lives will be to let go of someone you really care about - wether its through a break up, a move or (as much as I hope not) a death. But these unfortunate circumstances are always going to be a part of life, and it’s about learning how to deal with them - I know that already and I’ve only just turned twenty!

When I was 15 and leaving school, I was so excited to get older and see where life would take me... I was so excited to go to university, to become a photographer, to travel the world and I never thought that things would have gone this way. Responsibility has already got the better of me and I have stopped myself from doing so much. So I’m here to warn you not to let it get you too. We are only young once, and we need to start living our lives the way we want too - not the way we are expected too.

Life will teach us a lot any way, but it will teach us more if we are actually living it and taking risks; we need to do the things we want to do because we can and not hold ourselves back because it’s in the land of the unknown. We need to do the things we really want to now, before it’s too late.

I will never regret spending my teenage years in a long term relationship, and I got to experience some of the most amazing moments of my life. I’m sure anyone reading this can probably relate - you will always have feelings for your first love. No matter how badly it ends, no matter how long you were together, no matter what happens you will always love them and that’s what makes it so hard to let go. I appreciate all the times we had together; all the holidays, days out, dates and laughs - we laughed a lot - but it really is time to let go now and although it hurts more than anything I've ever done before, and I will try to do it gracefully.

  

So, now is the time to work on ourselves. Twenty is the time to really find yourself - as cliché as that sounds. It’s time to travel; New york, Paris, Rome! It’s time to make new friends, and get rid of any old ones that tie you down. Sleep out under the stars, dance in the rain, drink pimms in the summer and walk bare foot on the grass. Visit different places, even in your own country, go to festivals, volunteer, read lots of books, speak to complete strangers and promise yourself to always always keep moving forward. And remember to spend time with the people who are important to you, especially your closest friends and family. Always be there for them and they will willingly return the favour. But it's also time to be alone. It's time for you to understand yourself and what you need.

Sometimes things may feel like they’re moving too fast, sometimes time might be moving too fast but there will also always be days that we wish to go by quicker. But sometimes we need to remember to slow down. Take time to breathe and take it all in. It wouldn’t matter if I’d just turned 30, or even 40 - the main goal is to always live your life - stop wishing it away and make sure you do the things you really love. It’s hard to let someone go and it is completely heart breaking, but it’s harder to spend your whole life wondering “what if”. I'm glad I've got my friends, and I'm looking forward to what the future has to offer.

Goodbye to Andy, Hello to my Twenties - and my future.